There is no doubt about it, being HIV-positive can take you on a challenging journey to say the least, and the question of relationships and the issues they bring to the table will hit home for some, sooner rather than later.

For couples, a HIV diagnosis within the relationship will either make it or break it. For a singleton it will introduce a whole gambit of new dilemmas to deal with from: If, when and how should I disclose my status, to maybe I should just become celibate!

The root-cause of the problem is easy to pinpoint:  the misconceptions and myths that some people still hold about how HIV and  how it is transmitted are to blame. It is those misconceptions that can be so hurtful and damaging to a person that is living with HIV: after all it is worth remembering, there are a thousands of couples living in relationships were one is positive and one is negative -  or what the medical profession call: a sero-discordant relationship.

That in mind, and in my own small attempt to try and break down some of the barriers in both the HIV-positive and HIV-negative communities, I would like to introduce you to  Richard a young HIV-negative man with a very important story to tell…

My name is Richard. I am 19-years-old. I go out with a girl who is HIV positive and we have been going out for a year although I have known her for the last six. When she told me, I was shocked because of the way the media often portrays people with HIV. My girlfriend is smart, attractive and fun to be with, not an HIV sufferer or anyone’s victim.

I accepted her status because she is a human being and she is also the same person that I went to secondary school with. Sometimes it’s hard having a relationship with her but I think that goes for all women! The only difference is that she has a virus in her blood that has no cure. I worry about her health but she has been taking her treatment now for ages.

Most men my age think that you can’t have sex with someone with HIV. This is totally wrong you are not in any danger unless you don’t wear a condom but this applies whether someone is HIV-positive or not. There are other illnesses you can get like gonorrhea or syphilis. Or you may not get a virus, but end up being a teenage father instead: with no resources to support your child and all your dreams dashed. There is no difference between having sex with someone who is infected and someone who is not.

My girlfriend is healthy probably much healthier than me. Her medication keeps her healthy you never know she’ll probably live longer then me. Me going out with her has given me lots of knowledge… like most people think that when someone has HIV it’s automatically AIDS which is wrong. No one can catch AIDS and no one has ever died from AIDS and no one has ever died from AIDS. Unfortunately many generations of people have died from an AIDS related illness.

I have learnt that it’s hard for anyone who is HIV-positive – let alone a child or young person – to live in a world where people are narrow minded and not willing to learn the truth. If you don’t open your mind up to different things you will never learn anything. Due to treatments and medication available you can’t tell what someone with HIV looks like. They could be your next door neighbor your best friend your brother or even your mum.

I have also learnt that you can never tell who you might fall in love with, because there is no rule book telling us who we should or shouldn’t love. It is a learning experience and if I am still with her when we want children I also know that we can conceive children who are not infected with HIV. Of course I really hope that one-day scientists will find a cure that could help my girlfriend, but while there is no cure all we can do is be there for each other.

Figures just out from the Health Protection Agency (HPA) reveal the number diagnoses of HIV transmission occurring in the UK remain high.

Overall diagnoses have declined for the fourth year running – going down to 6,630 in 2009 from 7,982 in 2005 – however the fall is due to fewer people being diagnosed here in the UK that were infected overseas.  The 3,730 diagnoses of transmissions which occurred in the UK remain as high as previous years.

Deborah Jack, CEO of the National AIDS Trust, NAT said: “The latest HIV figures underline the need for us to do more in both HIV prevention and HIV testing.  As the Government prepares its Public Health White Paper, NAT is calling for commitment to reduce the continuing stubbornly high numbers of people getting HIV in the UK.  Prevention is an immensely cost-effective activity: one transmission can cost the NHS upwards of £360,000 over a person’s lifetime.”

The report reveals that 1,000 heterosexuals were diagnosed with HIV and infected in the UK.  There were also 2,760 diagnoses amongst gay and bisexual men: one in six men diagnosed appear to have been infected a few months prior to their test, suggesting high rates of ongoing HIV transmission in the gay community.

Another worrying trend is that about half are being diagnosed late -after the point they should have started HIV treatment – putting their own health at risk and increasing the chance of transmitting the virus to sexual partners.

“Another crucial step is for sexual health clinics to work on increasing the uptake of HIV tests amongst those who attend their services.  The current uptake rate at 77 per cent is still too low.  But late diagnosis is a wider challenge to society – many people with HIV attend other NHS services repeatedly for years without being offered an HIV test and this neglect has to end.  We need HIV testing to be normalised within our health system and people to be informed about the value of having an HIV test,” Jack added.

Ends

Before March 2007, I was your ‘run of the mill’ normal kind of guy. I say normal in a loose sense of the word as I am by no means normal in what I do. I tend to do things in my own typical style.   I never took anything for granted… I always looked on everything I had, or was given, to be more of a privilege rather than a right.

Then it all changed: I became extremely ill and I had a rash develop all over my body, my face and even on the palms of my hands and the souls of my feet.  My partner called a friend of ours who was a nurse from South Africa and was visiting in the UK at the time. On arrival, she looked me up and down and carried out the usual checks and then said to my partner: “Call an ambulance! We need to get him to A&E.”

Initially, no one quite knew what to diagnose and I went through the usual routine visual checks, E.C.G.  and blood tests and fairly quickly, I was admitted to hospital in isolation. I am not sure if that was for my own protection or for the hospital’s sake. Either way, I got my own comfy room or at least, at the time, I felt looked after.  I think I must have fallen asleep because I do not remember much more after that.

The next day I felt like a human dartboard. The hospital staff were still doing their checks and several attempts of a further cannula being put into me.  I then had an unexpected visit from two members of staff from the G.U.M. clinic, Kevin and Yvonne.  I was told that they had been contacted by A&E to come over and do some further tests as it was thought that I may have second stage Syphilis which apparently has similar symptoms to that of what I was displaying.

It was a few days before I had any kind of results and both the hospital and G.U.M. clinic staff seem to be working both at separate ends of the scale and neither of them seemed to be talking to one other. Slowly, I was feeling that isolation was not such a good thing as, at times, I felt not only isolated in my little room but also with what was going on. Moreover, what I was not being told, why did I have the feeling that I was the last person to be told everything?

Staff came and went and more often or not, I was just being given plenty of fluids through the drip and it was not until a few days later when I finally got to see the light of day and was told what I had.

I remember it clearly when Kevin and Yvonne walked in. Yvonne sat at the end of my bed and began by saying: “you will be pleased to know that it is not second stage Syphilis.” She paused and then went on to say: “but it is HIV.” Out of sheer shock, I immediately burst into tears, not from fear but from the emotional strains that I had been under; the not knowing if I was coming or going.

I feel quite emotional now, as I am writing this! Thinking about it all, it still feels quite fresh in my mind but it is also my therapy for coming to terms with my HIV status.

I thought that getting how I felt out in the open or, at least, stringing together how I felt, in a fashionable sentence, might work on making myself feel a bit better. It does in a way! It certainly makes me feel stronger in coming to terms with being positive but it also makes me realize that everything is not as it seems; after all, I was not giving a manual about being HIV positive; neither was I told how I was going to feel and I certainly was not prepared for the total mind games that I was going to face every day.

All I had was a constant reminder of what a fool I had been and the trust I had with someone. I certainly had to find out for myself how my life was going to continue. It is almost seemed as though I was given a second chance and the feeling of a blank canvas to work with again, the choice of just how much of my old-self I wanted to continue with and how much of the new I wanted to include.  My emotional and mental state played absolute havoc with me and everything I seemed to do in those early stages, always felt as if it was contradicting me all of the time and it is at this stage I noticed, that I could feel so differently, negatively and think ‘what the hell,’ it cannot get any worse so I am just gonna party every night, get drunk at the weekends and carry on taking risks that at the time do not seem risky at all. Even safe sex seemed unimportant at the time.

A few years later, once I had finally come back down to earth, I was able to start to prioritise what it is that is important in my life and get a truer perspective as to where and what things were to fit into place.  Unlike before, I now let fewer people control my decision making, e.g. getting on a plane and I feel that the second chance that I have been given, even with this debilitating illness; is going to work in my favour.  I have many more goals to achieve and ambitions to fulfil, and I am meeting new friends and discovering new places.  Since being diagnosed, my negative situations are turning into positive ones.

I would very much appreciate that my message and my blog posts here that are my experiences… act as a wake up call to those people who read this and who are not infected with HIV, to realise that there is still time to not make foolish errors and to be responsible for your own actions.

I am learning that life experiences can be a good means of communicating a very positive and influential message.  I have observed some people becoming HIV positive deliberately. In one example, it was in order to be the same status as their HIV positive partner. For him, it was the right decision at the time… but they are separated now!

I have found out that, at times, HIV can be quite prejudice towards you, so choice is everything but today we have more choices than ever.

In my next blog, I will describe what living with HIV is like, the pitfalls, hurdles, the highs and the lows.

Look out for each other, look after yourself!

‘Til next time,

Max

London Gay Mens Choir

27 NOVEMBER – LONDON – CARA TRUST WAD concert featuring the London Gay Men’s Chorus.  To book a place contact: Chris Woolls mail@caralife.com or 020 7243 6147. 1PM St Pancras Church, Euston Road. Upper Woburn Place NW1. Free.

For 24 hours the names of those people will be streamed on the site every 3.5 seconds. A memorial to lost love.

AIDSWatch first appeared on (what was then) Century Cable in the Los Angeles area on December 1st, 1996.

AIDSWatch continues as an art project, primarily in the Los Angeles area.

At the turn of the century the project base moved to the West Hollywood Citychannel television facilities. The City of West Hollywood has dedicated a channel each year for the entire 24-hour program. Website technology improvements have now made it possible for this once ‘cable only’ program to go worldwide via the internet.

The goal is to fill the roster with unique names by the year 2011. In all the years past we have repeated names in order to fill the 24 hours. When all the spaces are filled and the viewer logs on, when they see a name for that brief three and a half seconds they will be reminded of someone’s lost love. Another lost life to HIV/AIDS.

AIDSWatch was created as a memorial.www.aidswatch.org

Those party animals at  NAT have not ONE, not TWO, but THREE fundraising slots in the London clubbing calendar: supporting NAT’s campaigning work this World Aids Day. Here are the details…

GaydarRadio, Katherine Ellis and THE FREEMASONS Invite you To ‘Put It On’ For World AIDS Day. Sam Obernik, Amanda Wilson, and Shena will by belting out the anthems at Lo-Profile Bar – GaydarRadio’s very own Alex Baker and Phil Marriott – complete the line up for this exclusive World AIDS Day event with all the proceeds going to NAT. Hosted by the fabulous Sink the Pink Glitter Sprinklers. 1 December 84-86 Wardour Street, Soho. W1F. Tickets: £10 in advance / £12 door. 9pm ‘til Late BUY TODAY: £10 advance tickets

The Onyx night @ AREA invite you to very very gay affair at the Vauxhall venue for a fundraiser for NAT. There will be the usual mix of pumping house on the main dance floor and cool tech trance in the black box. What more could you want? 3 December. 66 Albert Embankment London SE1. Tickets £ 1 before midnight, £6 after. 10 till very late. AREA Bar and Club

Lovechild Club Night @ Fire invite you to the sexiest club night on the London calendar in support of NAT. Featuring: Leomeo from Paris & Naked DJ and Nick Wolanski and of course the sexiest dance troop and performers in the capital. 11 December. Fire South Lambeth Rd Vauxhall SW8. Tickets £10 11pm to 7am

Have a lorra lorra fun…

Check out the Positive Pulse diary for more WAD events click here

POPE BENEDICT XVI

POPE BENEDICT XVI did the holiest of U-turns on the value of condoms in the fight against HIV/Aids according to extracts from a new book to be published this week.

The Pope said that condom use can be justified in some cases – such as for male prostitutes – to help stop the spread of HIV/Aids.

But the Catholic Church still does not see condoms as ‘a real or moral solution’ and that they are ‘not really the way to deal with the evil of HIV infection.

Peter Seewald, the German Journalist asked the Pope in a series of interviews for the book, if the Catholic Church apposed to the principles of Condoms, the Pope said: “She of course does not regard it as a real or moral solution, but, in this or that case, there can be nonetheless, in the intention of reducing the risk of infection, a first step in a movement toward a different way, a more human way, of living sexuality.”

The change of attitude by the Catholic Church  will seen as a step in the right direction by many HIV charities, who believed his statements and teachings on sexuality, sexual health and well-being put men and women’s health and lives in danger.

Peter TaTchell, Human Rights Campaigner said: “The Pope’s concession that condoms may be morally justified in certain circumstances is a significant modification of the Vatican’s traditional, hard-line stance, against all condom use. He seems to be admitting, for the first time, that using condoms can be morally responsible if they help save lives.

“If the Pope can change his stance on condoms, why can’t he also modify the Vatican’s harsh, intolerant opposition to women’s rights, gay equality, fertility treatment and embryonic stem cell research?”

Lisa Power, Policy Director at Terrence Higgins Trust THT said: “We’re delighted to see the Pope’s acceptance of condoms is valid for everyone, not just male sex workers. His comments are a really positive step towards protecting people from sexually transmitted infections and, of course, HIV, which will save many thousands of lives.

“It’s helpful that these remarks are being reported so close to World AIDS Day, which takes place next Wednesday on the 1st of December. It’s a good time to be talking about using condoms and taking responsibility for your own and your partner’s safety.”

UNAIDS welcomed the Pope’s comments “This is a significant and positive step forward taken by the Vatican,” said Executive Director Michel Sidibe.

“Light of the World: The Pope, The Church and The Signs of the Times,” a book-length set of interviews with the Pope by Peter Seewald goes on sale this week and describes among other things the Pope’s revised stance on condom use.

ENDS

England is being left behind by Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland in agreeing national strategy for HIV and sexual health according to the National Aids Trust NAT.

This World AIDS Day – 1 December – NAT are campaigning the Prime Minister to fulfil the UK’s UN commitment and put in place a strategy on HIV to replace the current one that expires at the end of 2010.

Deborah Jack,  NAT, CEO said: “Without strategic, political leadership on HIV, the issue will become sidelined and silenced by stigma.  Or at best, HIV will be only addressed as a health issue – disregarding the social context which must also be tackled if we are to respond effectively to the epidemic.

“A new national strategy is needed which takes account of the significant changes in the last decade in HIV testing and treatment, in health and social care provision, in legal rights, and in the epidemic itself.  New HIV diagnoses are now three times what they were ten years ago and we have yet to see evidence of a decline in rates of new infections in the UK.”

NAT is asking people to sign their e-petition calling for a national strategy to combat HIV.

But remember a puppy is for life, not just for Christmas!

Sign NAT’s e-petition:

You can sign our e-petition calling for a national strategy on HIV here.

Be an HIV activist:

NAT will  soon be launching a range of actions which individuals can take to help NAT transform the UK’s response to HIV.  If you are interested in signing up to be a HIV Activist and support NAT’s campaigns throughout the year, just email: HIVactivist@nat.org.uk

ENDS

The number of HIV infections and Aids related deaths have decreased over the last decade according to a new report by UNAIDS.

The report showed that an estimated 2.6 million people became newly-infected with HIV in 2009, 20 per cent down from the 3.1-million people infected in 1999.

The report highlights the importance of investment in HIV prevention programming, and that it is producing significant results in many of the highest burden countries.

Michel Sidibe, Executive Director of UNAIDS said: “We have halted and begun to reverse the epidemic. Fewer people are becoming infected with HIV and fewer people are dying from AIDS.”

However, the organisation warned that even though the gains are real this is a very fragile situation. Future progress will depend heavily on the joint efforts of everyone involved in the HIV response.

There are currently 10 million people in need of HIV treatment and the Global Fund to fight Aids, TB and Malaria has failed to raise the $8.1 billion it needed to sustain its programmes for the next three years.

There are an estimated 33.3million people infected with HIV. 25 million people have died from AIDS related  illness since 1981.

ENDS

Chris Grayling, Work and Pensions Minister

Work Capability Assessment WCA is not operating as well as it should and is letting down people that are genuinely ill according to an independent review commissioned by the Coalition Government.

The report, by Professor Malcolm Harrington was undertaken because the Department of work and Pensions DWP are flooded with appeals to assessments made by the Atos Healthcare, the private company that manage WCA: 40 per cent of the decisions are overturned in appeal

Chris Grayling, the Work and Pensions Minister, accepted the report’s conclusions and said: “the government would implement them in full.”

However, the National Aids Trust NAT said that they were concerned that the DWP still plan to go ahead and migrate 1.5 million incapacity benefit recipients on to ESA from February 2011: without fully considering Professor Harrington’s findings or how to implement them.

Deborah Jack, CEO of NAT, said: “NAT supports the recommendations of the independent review and we were extremely pleased to see some of our concerns included in the final report.

“Our research has found that the barriers to work experienced by people living with HIV, such as:  fluctuating symptoms, side-effects of treatment, depression, pain and fatigue are not fully taken into account by the WCA.

“As Professor Harrington notes, this is the first of five independent reviews of the WCA, and there is clearly a long way to go in order to address all of the issues that NAT and other disability organisations have raised around the WCA.”

The WCA is the test undertaken to determine whether a person is eligible for Employment and Support Allowance (ESA).  The WCA aims to identify claimants who have ‘limited capacity for work’ or ‘limited capacity for work-related activity’, so that they may receive the right support to help them live well and (where appropriate) return to work.

ENDS